Wednesday, 5 June 2013

ADDICTED and DROWNING

All my life I have always rejoiced and been proud of a lot of the things i have been able to achieve. Though i haven't received a Nobel Price yet I have achieved things in my own capacity. It has come to a point where I no longer have control on some of the things and I think am losing it. Maybe i need help but am I ready too accept? Mum is telling me to do something about it, dad too and my brother. They are my family and their opinion matters. I am also thinking on the same lines but i am afraid. I want to be healthier, slimmer but truth be told I have never known another silhouette and it terrifies me. How can i stop my undying love for cakes,chocolates, biscuits and all other sweet unhealthy things you can think of? The damn cravings i have and which i can not resist. The sad part is that when am sad I go to the shop and buy all the sweet things and eat all i can. I feel better for a moment but afterwards it aces inside. I can not help it, i have tried until I came to a place of acceptance that it was part of me.I don't want to die young due to all the diseases out there. I want to be better but there are Questions that run through my mind: how will i look? my best clothes will no longer fit!? will I be able to keep it up or will I be an atomic bomb ready to explode? So many questions, so many uncertainties. They always say the first step is denial then acceptance. My denial has taken me six years and i think its time I accept and make the right changes in my life. Don't get me wrong I don't want to be a size 8, all i want is to be a healthier me. I CANNOT DO IT ALONE ; I NEED HELP!!!